The Elven Days of Christmas by A.K. Caggiano

11 out of five stars, Hallmark could never, Netflix you wish. I slept on this book all year because I was like “I do not read seasonal fiction,” but when I tell you this book is like the the warmest hug, the sweetest gingerbread and the filthiest hardwood floor after everyone comes over for the holidays but doesn’t take their shoes off even though you ask them nicely, all rolled into one I do mean it’s the best holiday work of fiction I have ever. Allow me to regale you with the plot, no spoilers:

Our FMC is a woman with a planner who’s having family over for Christmas and is gonna hit every bullet point on that outline or so help her. Our MMC is a half-elf who has to pretend to be our FMC‘s boyfriend after she chopped down an enchanted tree which he needs to retrieve from her home before he gets in big trouble. She agrees to give the tree back after Christmas is over and so they have to spend all of this time together and oops there’s only one bed oh noooo. Have I already mentioned that this half-elf is so good at sex that all the elves around him seek him out for this purpose? I mean.

Don’t let my piss poor synopsis give you the wrong impression; this book is so funny and so warm and so lovely and so dirty and you will laugh out loud and then other times you’ll feel so deeply sad and you’re not sure why but somehow you know that you needed to get it out. A. K. Caggiano is just out here being the best fantasy romance writer of them all and no one is talking about it and I can’t understand why, but I’m never gonna stop until everyone knows. And now bloop, guess what, she can also do Christmas. Like what?